Today I have been thinking about the strange things that I do, some of which I hardly realize.
If someone were to ask me if I were superstitious, I would laugh and answer that I am certainly not. With my stringent belief in free will, choice, and authority over one's life, it does not make sense that I would put any trust in superstition, and yet I do. I can sum up my reason for this quite simply:
I do it just in case.
Life is hard enough, I don't need to add to the constant travail of life by carelessly walking under a ladder or upending a salt shaker. Why risk it?
Yes, that is ridiculous, and i know it. I know it while I am throwing salt over my shoulder or changing directions to avoid a black cat crossing my path. I know that superstition and fate are ideas that I do not subscribe to, and yet when I get a fortune from a fortune cookie, you better believe that I stick it in my purse. I tell myself that I do this just because they are "cute" and even inspirational. I wouldn't be surprised, dear reader, if you didn't believe that.
My last one warned me to be attentive because someone is interested in me. Hmmm....
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
East of Eden
This is where I am.
It is also coincedentally the title of one of my favorite books. Eden is near, but I am somewhere downwind of Paradise, in a place far more comfortable. I enjoy the imperfections that humans fall mercy to. Also, what would I do with perfection but sully its name, disregard it, or worse? I am in a comfortable valley in which I feel blessedly close to perfection, but I can use the imperfection in my life to be grateful for its opposite. I feel that if the terrible moments didn't come along to slap me in the face and awaken my inner gratitude for all that is not terrible, for all moments that are not the moment I despise, I would not truly appreciate the beauty in my life.
We, here in the beautiful, sun-drenched and fertile county of Orange have little to complain about, and yet complaints are all we hear. I am guilty of this myself. I feel saddened at the realization of what a freak I would seem like if, rather than complaining about the weather, my lack of energy, or politics, I spouted inspirational words of joy. Picture this: I walk into an elevator at my doctor's office with a stranger. I smile as I enter and say:
Me: Isn't it gorgeous outside?
Stranger: Um, sure, yeah, I guess.
Me: We are so lucky to be able to walk into this office and stand in an elevator, aren't we?
Stranger: Um, sure.
Me: Really, if you think about all the people who cannot walk and stand, who rely on elevators, when we both know we were just too lazy to take the stairs, this is quite a feat. And we take this for granted.
Stranger: *clears throat, mumbles* Yeah. *Looks at feet, checks the door quickly, returns gaze to feet*
Here is the conversation I would most likely have:
Me: Hi, thanks for holding the door. What floor are you going to?
Stranger: Third. The lab.
Me: Ouch. i hope you aren't taking a blood test.
Stranger: I am. I hate blood tests. I hate needles and i hate waiting so long for them to call my name.
Me: Seriously. And they are so rude! Can you believe the way they boss you around? One lady told me I was a baby and I need to "get over it!"
Stranger: yeah, but with health insurance...what can you expect?
Did you see that? We bonded over hatred and annoyance. It is the cultural norm to complain but not to praise or enjoy. Pathetic.
Let's all start a positivity revolution! Instead of complaining, at least five times a day replace the complaint about to fly out of your mouth with something positive. Challenge yourself to find it. This is the type of obnoxiously positive advice my fiance has given me, and here I am passing it along. It has helped me, though. He would be shocked to think of me as the leader of a positivity revolution!
That is what it is like to live East of Eden. It is beautiful and so close to perfection, but completely taken for granted. All we want is perfection, and we never stop to appreciate how great it is to be this close to it. The grass is always greener in our minds, but our own grass looks pretty damn good. Appreciate! Enjoy! Smile!
It is also coincedentally the title of one of my favorite books. Eden is near, but I am somewhere downwind of Paradise, in a place far more comfortable. I enjoy the imperfections that humans fall mercy to. Also, what would I do with perfection but sully its name, disregard it, or worse? I am in a comfortable valley in which I feel blessedly close to perfection, but I can use the imperfection in my life to be grateful for its opposite. I feel that if the terrible moments didn't come along to slap me in the face and awaken my inner gratitude for all that is not terrible, for all moments that are not the moment I despise, I would not truly appreciate the beauty in my life.
We, here in the beautiful, sun-drenched and fertile county of Orange have little to complain about, and yet complaints are all we hear. I am guilty of this myself. I feel saddened at the realization of what a freak I would seem like if, rather than complaining about the weather, my lack of energy, or politics, I spouted inspirational words of joy. Picture this: I walk into an elevator at my doctor's office with a stranger. I smile as I enter and say:
Me: Isn't it gorgeous outside?
Stranger: Um, sure, yeah, I guess.
Me: We are so lucky to be able to walk into this office and stand in an elevator, aren't we?
Stranger: Um, sure.
Me: Really, if you think about all the people who cannot walk and stand, who rely on elevators, when we both know we were just too lazy to take the stairs, this is quite a feat. And we take this for granted.
Stranger: *clears throat, mumbles* Yeah. *Looks at feet, checks the door quickly, returns gaze to feet*
Here is the conversation I would most likely have:
Me: Hi, thanks for holding the door. What floor are you going to?
Stranger: Third. The lab.
Me: Ouch. i hope you aren't taking a blood test.
Stranger: I am. I hate blood tests. I hate needles and i hate waiting so long for them to call my name.
Me: Seriously. And they are so rude! Can you believe the way they boss you around? One lady told me I was a baby and I need to "get over it!"
Stranger: yeah, but with health insurance...what can you expect?
Did you see that? We bonded over hatred and annoyance. It is the cultural norm to complain but not to praise or enjoy. Pathetic.
Let's all start a positivity revolution! Instead of complaining, at least five times a day replace the complaint about to fly out of your mouth with something positive. Challenge yourself to find it. This is the type of obnoxiously positive advice my fiance has given me, and here I am passing it along. It has helped me, though. He would be shocked to think of me as the leader of a positivity revolution!
That is what it is like to live East of Eden. It is beautiful and so close to perfection, but completely taken for granted. All we want is perfection, and we never stop to appreciate how great it is to be this close to it. The grass is always greener in our minds, but our own grass looks pretty damn good. Appreciate! Enjoy! Smile!
Today I will
Today I will smile.
laugh.
think.
sigh.
love.
appreciate.
This is my first blog since high school. I am determined to write something more inspirational than the things I wrote then. I used to write everyday. I did not post them anywhere but on my hard drive, and some of them were wonderful. Some were awful. There are some things that you need to write just to get off your chest, and never return to them again. Such things I moved to floppy disks, and I don't have a disk drive anymore, so they are confined there for all eternity. I intend to write more often then I have been.
Some thoughts before I go:
Life moves so quickly, and requires more contemplation than anyone has time to commit to it. I try to appreciate one thing each day, to think on that, and to love it. I am, by nature, a pessimist, but despite my constant negativity and my complaints, I am happy. I am more happy now than I have ever been. I need to remind myself of this often, and it works well for me, most of the time. Try not to get caught up in the negative, and even if you do, even if the entire world seems to be caught in the mire of despair and uselessness, try to isolate one single thing that you appreciate. It will define your existence, even if only for a moment.
laugh.
think.
sigh.
love.
appreciate.
This is my first blog since high school. I am determined to write something more inspirational than the things I wrote then. I used to write everyday. I did not post them anywhere but on my hard drive, and some of them were wonderful. Some were awful. There are some things that you need to write just to get off your chest, and never return to them again. Such things I moved to floppy disks, and I don't have a disk drive anymore, so they are confined there for all eternity. I intend to write more often then I have been.
Some thoughts before I go:
Life moves so quickly, and requires more contemplation than anyone has time to commit to it. I try to appreciate one thing each day, to think on that, and to love it. I am, by nature, a pessimist, but despite my constant negativity and my complaints, I am happy. I am more happy now than I have ever been. I need to remind myself of this often, and it works well for me, most of the time. Try not to get caught up in the negative, and even if you do, even if the entire world seems to be caught in the mire of despair and uselessness, try to isolate one single thing that you appreciate. It will define your existence, even if only for a moment.
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