Anger addict?

Hi imaginary blog readers,
I am in a really bad mood. Have you ever had someone throw something nice back in your face? Have you ever been confronted with a person insecure enough to try and undermine and injure a family member with a heart so pure that he only wishes this person the best of luck, as trying as she may be? Well I am marrying into such a person. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I didn't ever think she would stoop as low as this. Before I continue my sales pitch I suppose I need to explain myself.

This person I speak of is probably part of the reason that I despise Christian hypocrites so much. i don't call myself an anything, but I try to live my life after the basic moral tenets in my heart and the teachings of others that I find to be true. One of these is Jesus, but my moral guideposts are not limited to Him. I also look to my parents, friends, and others for the "right" in a sea of wrongs. I am constantly confronted with people who call themselves followers, and yet they do no single action to define themselves as such. It is as though some people call themselves Republicans, and yet they keep voting for Democrats and having abortions.

Hopefully such people don't exist, and if they did, we would all realize what a joke they are. However, do some spiritual name-dropping, add a touch of the mystical to the mix, and no one questions you.

Well I do.

Right now I feel called strangely toward Christian soldier-ism, and yet my kind of soldier is a sort of Pulp-Fiction-era Samuel L. Jackson, complete wiht Jeri-curl, gun, and an abundance of the word m#&%^r-f@&#er.

Why is it that I am so easily angered by people who protest their observance to a faith and yet follow none of the tenets of that tradition? I think I care because Christianity means something to me, as hard as it is for me to admit. I have never been hurt so deeply as I have by the most blatant, sticker-affixing and card-carrying Christians I have ever known. I'll be honest, it has made me reluctant to befriend such people. That, my friends, is pathetic and unfair.

Now as I sit here, becoming angrier at the minute, I question my desire to align myself with anyone else for eternity. I am fine with my choice of mates, and I want nothing more than to grow old with him and his every imperfection, but I am forced to align myself with others who share his past and his DNA. What have I gotten myself into. I do not maintain long-term relationships. Not with boys, not with girls (who would be friends, last time I checked my sexual preference). I don't know why I ever thought that I could possibly get along with other people without my Samuel L. Jackson hair, weapon, and vocabulary.

I am taking a trip down memory lane this afternoon. I am remembering the past friendships I've had and how they have ended, and i am becoming very skeptical of this magical realm of "love" and the less magical realm of "family."

Just when I start to be on good terms (possibly, hopefully) with my brother I enter into another drama-filled and anger-laden relationship. This is not what I want for my life. I protest! I want peace. I want happiness. I want to focus on the problems of others, heal them, and turn to another. How can I do that when I feel drawn in to and obsessed with the problems I face?