My journey

My journey starts today.


Perhaps my journey started a little over one year ago on the day that I graduated from college. That is the moment that so many people feel defines the start of adulthood. I know I felt it long before then.
I have always put things into perspective. I always believed this to be an asset. I have had the ability to ruminate on conditions and events and put them into a larger context that would not define me, but enrich me. I never sought out definition. I viewed my life like a collage, each added picture contributed to the overall. I could never describe myself in one word, even ten. Imagine describing a collage in more than one word; it would be impossible. Each new contribution to my life has left a mark on me, never to be erased or removed. As I age, I become more complex and more beautiful. The stories that fill my mind and leave my mouth are the patches of my quilt of existence. I would be naked without them. Each fact, each moment, each experience I have carefully hoarded and saved away, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pull it out in all its glory. This being said, why would I want to define myself in one word?
In my culture, you do not ask someone what they are like or what they enjoy, you
ask them what they do. This is especially strange when you realize that so many people do not enjoy what they do for a living. So many people feel stressed, forced and pushed into categories. I defy categories. When asked what I do, even now as I sit behind a desk, working a job that certainly has a title, I never answer that question in one word. Some people probably think of me as merely wordy, trying to elevate my status with a series of words. I am doing nothing of the sort. I am merely trying to explain myself in a few words as possible, and nothing I do is plain enough to be described in one word. I hope it never will be.
I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything special. The things that may end up defining my life may seem simple to others, in fact I can guarantee they will. All that matters is that I am confident in my choices or my refusal to choose. Maybe not making a choice is my choice, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have tried to steer the people I know and love into decisions which will make them happy. I try to help them find a way to succeed that fulfills their purpose and brings them joy. I suppose it is easy for me to encourage someone else to find the “path not taken” while I enjoy a life of privilege and worry about nothing. I would make it on my own, I am confident of this, and yet I do not have to, not completely, and I use this to my advantage. I take advantage of every minute that I have to follow my passions, and for this I have no regrets. If the experiences of my life, good or bad, were spread in ink across my skin, despite my young age, it would be full. I am proud of this. I see beauty even in sadness, doubt and defeat, because I see life in it. I do not see the beauty in holding a job because it pays well and marrying a person because he or she fits into the life I am joining. I will submit to nothing. I will follow my heart.
I can see myself holding many positions and titles in my life, and this does not bother me at all. I am not focused on the long term ramifications of my career decisions. I focus from one moment to the next on following my heart and doing something I enjoy. I could list endlessly the things that I am passionate about, and this may come close to describing who I am, but any good writer knows that passions alone do not make a character. Of course there are reasons, facts, feelings, and stories behind them. There are always stories. I, for one, will not be placed in any box. In my lifetime I hope to hold a multitude of titles, in fact, I hope to hold many at once. I sincerely hope that at the end of this life, whenever that is for me, I can walk confidently into the next knowing that no matter what I did right or wrong, I lived. I want to know that I did what I thought was right for me in every instance, that I chose the decisions of my heart over my head (or anyone else’s for that matter), and that I lived from one happiness to the next.