My best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend. She had the confused first week, knowing it was about to lead into the sad second week, and then she had an ephiphany. She was looking at the pictures he had sent her from his brother's wedding the weekend after their breakup. She described looking at them and just "getting it." All at once, everything became clear and she realized that they weren't meant to be together. They have nothing in common, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not talk herself into accepting that. She realized that she could never move away from her home in the city to join his life in the country (especially the countryside of Zambia). She would always be an LA girl, and he would always be a Zambia farm boy. And just like that, she was over it and ready to move on.
Have any of you ever had this experience? Were you thankful or reluctant?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
Nothing scarier than a tedddy bear...
Please, someone help me with my Nip/Tuck nightmares.
I can't stop watching the show. It's intriguing, well-written, and addictively honest. It goes where no other show would dare to. It shows the dark side of humanity in all its glory, and what better way than to set this show around two plastic surgeons? Now that they have moved the show to LA it is ten times more intriguing because of the horrific truths it reveals about my home state. They could move their office to Orange County next year and run into just as many, or more, disgusting tales of humanity at its worst.
I have been with the show through thick and thin, literally, but this week they crossed the line. I can only say that this episode dealt with remorse, AIDS, cannibalism, sex addiction, betrayal, a child-chomping teacher, the difficulty of explaining death to children, and worst of all, the "immortalization" of a Hollywood agent by a teddy bear maker. I don't think I have ever seen something so disturbing. Who would ever think of something like that? It's genius and it has kept me up at night. I felt like throwing up, or ripping out my eyes, or destroying my memory somehow. I have not stopped thinking about it. I don't know why this particular thing grossed me out more than the myriad disgusting and freakish things I have seen before, but it has really stuck with me. I must have something against teddy bears.
I can't stop watching the show. It's intriguing, well-written, and addictively honest. It goes where no other show would dare to. It shows the dark side of humanity in all its glory, and what better way than to set this show around two plastic surgeons? Now that they have moved the show to LA it is ten times more intriguing because of the horrific truths it reveals about my home state. They could move their office to Orange County next year and run into just as many, or more, disgusting tales of humanity at its worst.
I have been with the show through thick and thin, literally, but this week they crossed the line. I can only say that this episode dealt with remorse, AIDS, cannibalism, sex addiction, betrayal, a child-chomping teacher, the difficulty of explaining death to children, and worst of all, the "immortalization" of a Hollywood agent by a teddy bear maker. I don't think I have ever seen something so disturbing. Who would ever think of something like that? It's genius and it has kept me up at night. I felt like throwing up, or ripping out my eyes, or destroying my memory somehow. I have not stopped thinking about it. I don't know why this particular thing grossed me out more than the myriad disgusting and freakish things I have seen before, but it has really stuck with me. I must have something against teddy bears.
Knowing just what you need when you need it
I had an interesting weekend, to say the least. Friday night I had dinner with my parents and my dad's friend who helped Josh with his bike. She had some exciting news to share: she is three and a half months pregnant. She and her husband married last April and I have been hoping that this news was coming coon.
Saturday started with some sleeping in, which was wonderful. Josh and I had a nice, relaxing day. I was in bed when he came home from work and he laughed at me and the dog, all snuggled up. Sunday I woke up to rain, which was disappointing for Josh who had a bike ride planned. He told me to bundle up and wear my old tennis shoes, and we went across the street to the park and jumped in puddles with the dog. I love how he knows what is best for me, and that he appreciates that I might be the only 23-year-old who loves to jump in puddles and play in the rain. Not only did he suggest this, but he laughed with pride and happiness as I ran and jumped and get subsequently soaked. He saw that I didn't care, and he joined me. We ran together through the rain and into dugouts, dodging (or choosing to step in) puddles and little rivers of water as the rain poured from the sky. I ran errands in the rain and brought in my groceries and began to make cookies. When there was a large pile I sent them with Josh to his friends' house for the Super Bowl. Niki came over and we watched Sex in the City and at about dusk, after she left, I decided to take a bath. As I got into the fragrant water, the lights in the bathroom began to turn on and off. Freaked out and overwhelmed, I ran out of the bathtub and shut off the lights. i tried the hall lights, they were turning on and off. The living room was fine. I decided to look for a flashlight just in case. As I turned, the tv clicked, and all the power was out. I called Josh on my cell and it started beeping at me. He didn't answer, and the phone died. I started to feel like I was in a horror movie. I blew out the candles, grabbed my flashlight and dog, and got in the car. i drove to Josh's friend's house, despite having on no makeup, and sat on the couch with them for the remainder of the game, which was lucky, because it was a great 9 minutes.
We came home to still no power, and no promise of it until the next day. I have always kind of liked power outages. They force you to break away from technology and appreciate the beauty and power of candlelight. However, I had a fridge full of groceries which would surely rot overnight. Our neighbors came to the rescue with a super extension cord and we were on our way. I got a call from Josh just now telling me that the power is back on, and for that, I am glad. As much as I like the romanticism of my post-electrical world, I need a hot shower and my blowdrier.
Although my wonderful fiance did tell me this morning, "if it's not on tomorrow, we'll just have to go out to dinner and then talk all night." I would have liked that...
Saturday started with some sleeping in, which was wonderful. Josh and I had a nice, relaxing day. I was in bed when he came home from work and he laughed at me and the dog, all snuggled up. Sunday I woke up to rain, which was disappointing for Josh who had a bike ride planned. He told me to bundle up and wear my old tennis shoes, and we went across the street to the park and jumped in puddles with the dog. I love how he knows what is best for me, and that he appreciates that I might be the only 23-year-old who loves to jump in puddles and play in the rain. Not only did he suggest this, but he laughed with pride and happiness as I ran and jumped and get subsequently soaked. He saw that I didn't care, and he joined me. We ran together through the rain and into dugouts, dodging (or choosing to step in) puddles and little rivers of water as the rain poured from the sky. I ran errands in the rain and brought in my groceries and began to make cookies. When there was a large pile I sent them with Josh to his friends' house for the Super Bowl. Niki came over and we watched Sex in the City and at about dusk, after she left, I decided to take a bath. As I got into the fragrant water, the lights in the bathroom began to turn on and off. Freaked out and overwhelmed, I ran out of the bathtub and shut off the lights. i tried the hall lights, they were turning on and off. The living room was fine. I decided to look for a flashlight just in case. As I turned, the tv clicked, and all the power was out. I called Josh on my cell and it started beeping at me. He didn't answer, and the phone died. I started to feel like I was in a horror movie. I blew out the candles, grabbed my flashlight and dog, and got in the car. i drove to Josh's friend's house, despite having on no makeup, and sat on the couch with them for the remainder of the game, which was lucky, because it was a great 9 minutes.
We came home to still no power, and no promise of it until the next day. I have always kind of liked power outages. They force you to break away from technology and appreciate the beauty and power of candlelight. However, I had a fridge full of groceries which would surely rot overnight. Our neighbors came to the rescue with a super extension cord and we were on our way. I got a call from Josh just now telling me that the power is back on, and for that, I am glad. As much as I like the romanticism of my post-electrical world, I need a hot shower and my blowdrier.
Although my wonderful fiance did tell me this morning, "if it's not on tomorrow, we'll just have to go out to dinner and then talk all night." I would have liked that...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Love yourself
Why can't we love ourselves for who we are, for the way we look?
Why is how we look now never good enough?
How is it that the idea of beauty that I have, one I reject fundamentally but realize I have internalized, is so set in my mind?
How do I destroy it and love myself for who I am?
There is beauty in you; please see it.
Why is how we look now never good enough?
How is it that the idea of beauty that I have, one I reject fundamentally but realize I have internalized, is so set in my mind?
How do I destroy it and love myself for who I am?
There is beauty in you; please see it.
When do we reach that point that we realize our state of mind has nothing, or very little, to do with the events of our day or overall condition of our lives, but something deeper, darker, and beyond our control?
I am never awake at this time of night anymore, and it saddens me. But then, what doesn't these days? I feel most creative now. This is self-destructive. I will self-destruct. I would.
I won't.
I am never awake at this time of night anymore, and it saddens me. But then, what doesn't these days? I feel most creative now. This is self-destructive. I will self-destruct. I would.
I won't.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Cheating
I want to cheat.
*note: do not continue reading if you are easily offended, but most importantly, if you are hungry and/or on a diet.
Let me just tell you what I would eat, assuming my diet disappeared and my body looked great already!
A big bowl of spaghetti.
A cupcake with sprinkles.
A big pepsi with ice from Taco Bell.
Nachos.
Oh my gosh rice cakes are so not doing it for me today! And what's for lunch? Hummas, pita, snow peas. Hmmm...
*note: do not continue reading if you are easily offended, but most importantly, if you are hungry and/or on a diet.
Let me just tell you what I would eat, assuming my diet disappeared and my body looked great already!
A big bowl of spaghetti.
A cupcake with sprinkles.
A big pepsi with ice from Taco Bell.
Nachos.
Oh my gosh rice cakes are so not doing it for me today! And what's for lunch? Hummas, pita, snow peas. Hmmm...
New Post
Oh the possibilty.
Blank paper.
Empty Word doc.
Free evening.
Day off.
Extra ten minutes.
Clear calendar square.
Lunch break.
I shudder at the thought. Oh emptiness, how I crave you in times of overwhelming full-ness. Who knew being alone could be so fulfilling?
Blank paper.
Empty Word doc.
Free evening.
Day off.
Extra ten minutes.
Clear calendar square.
Lunch break.
I shudder at the thought. Oh emptiness, how I crave you in times of overwhelming full-ness. Who knew being alone could be so fulfilling?
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