On the precipice

I am about to turn 24 years old. The past few years of my life, more than any others, have brought more change than most years. I know the frenzied pace will soon slow, and I welcome a little stability. Graduating from college and changing my status, held for as long as I can remember, from "student" to "full-time employee" was a difficult one for me. Harder still will be the change from a "Miss" to a "Mrs." Changing the name I've always had, the three words that identify me on this earth, apart from almost any other (benefit of having a relatively unique name) will be difficult as well. I'm not sure how I feel about it, although I understand the benefits and even the necessity of it. I will turn 24, an age that seems much older than I could possibly be. I will celebrate five years in my relationship with my fiance. I will have a bachelorette party, which I think will really, more than the dress and the food tasting, make this whole wedding thing sink in. I'll register for gifts, and attend my own shower. (My first shower! For me!) and then get married. Wow. This is an intense little spot I'm hangin' out in...

An Ode to Karma

Sometimes, very few, precious times, people get exactly what they deserve.

Oh Karma, my old friend. Sometimes I hate you. I cry out to you when I see things happen, both good and bad, wondering, "where are you now?" But then, out of nowhere, you show up. Wonderfully, you reward my long-suffering dad with a few comforts on his journey. A heartfelt compliment, a perfect ending to a frustrating situation, a glimmer of hope in a dark moment, and even a check in the mail. Less wonderfully, you deliver things not-so-pretty to those who have earned them as well. Like the woman that blocked rush hour traffic to make an illegal U-turn, and the motorcycle cop, weaving between idling engines to see her just in time. Yes, retribution came in the form of flashing lights that afternoon. And others, who have mindlessly rearranged the lives of others to their benefit, causing me to yell out in exasperation, "don't they know you can't have it all?" To risk incurring some bad karma myself, I will avoid repeating them. But I know. And this smile on my face is owed to you, Karma. You deserve it.
In a life in which we so often wonder how bad things happen to good people, or why bad people seem to be rewarded while the good suffer, and we wonder when, if ever, these people will get what is surely coming to them. We have to trust that, whether or not we see it, they will all be dealt with, in one way or another.

Sometimes people get exactly what they deserve.

Broken

Hopes, dreams, effort.
Trying, working, persisting.
In the quest for love.

It shouldn't be this hard.

I have a fiance' who loves me unconditionally. But why not his parents? Is that so much to ask? And why have I, a competant and functionally self confident person, worked so hard for their love?

Why am I so angry about this? Why can't I accept, as my dad has always said, that some people just won't like you?

Because these aren't just any people. They are the people who raised the man I love. And this just gets more and more complicated.